(# ''Lil' Red Riding hood'' by Bowling for Soup)
# Who's that I see walking in these woods?
# Why, it's Little Red Riding hood
# Hey there, Little Red Riding Hood
# You sure are looking good
# You're everything that a big bad wolf would want
Listen to me,
# Little Red Riding Hood
# I don't think even big girls should
# Go walking in these spooky old woods alone
# What big eyes you have
(girl #1) You're obsessed with him,
(girl #2) I'm not obsessed, I'm just highly interested,
(girl #1) Come on, Let's settle this,
Girls, please, sit, sit,
Let Zela read your palms,
Oh, no, Forget it, This is stupid,
so are you, sit down,
OK, Zela, this is it,
My friend here is basically obsessed with this guy that won't call her back
and we need to know if she should forget him cold or hold out for the next 20 years,
Well, anyways, whatever you see, just say, 'Forget his ass,'
No, no, no, no, no, no, I need you to read my friend's,
Blood,
- Excuse me? - I see blood,
so much blood,
OK, that's nice, but..,
You too,
You're both in danger,
Need to know? No, Back to the guy,
It's not the guy,
It's.., it's the beast you should fear,
OK,
We're done here,
- Come on, Becky, Let's go, - Beware the moon,
It feeds in the moonlight,
You can't tell people this shit,
Jenny,
Lay off the crack pipe,
Jenny,
Jenny!
- I'm gonna lock up in the back, - OK, José,
Hey, looks like you got a visitor,
Hey, there, boy, Where did you come from?
Come here,
Oh,
Zipper# Zip?
Zipper, Hey, hey, Zipper,
Hey,
- Oh, there you are, I'm sorry, - Oh, no, He's adorable,
Come here,
I'm sorry, One minute he's here, the next minute..,
Wh.., Hey, uh, Brooke, right?
- Do I know you? - Oh, yeah, We go to school together,
I sit behind you in Government, Algebra and French,
Oh, really?
- Are you sure? - Yeah, Brooke Mueller, Jimmy Myers,
M- u, M-y, I've sat behind you for, like, three years,
- Oh, - Yeah,
- OK, - Hey, Brooke, are you ready?
Yeah, almost, Five minutes,
- I'll see you at school, - OK, yeah, No, I know,
Hey, I know you,
- From P.E., - His name's Billy,
- Uh, it's Jimmy, - You're the dodgeball crotch target,
- You should really wear a cup, - stop it, Bo, OK?
I'm just looking out for him, He can't help it, Every school's got one, the derogatory 'it,'
A geek on his way to fag town.
- Look, I'm not gay, - Bummer,
You mean you're just an ass wimp-wad for no reason?
- Yep, - (laughs) That sucks,
- Boo! - (boy) Whoa!
You're such a dick, Bo,
Just ignore him, Jimmy,
- I think your dog is gay too, - (boys laugh)
(Bo) What's with the Make-A-Wish charity case, Brooke?
- Hey, Ellie, - Hi,
(phone rings)
- Hello? - (boy) Ellie.
- Hi, Jimmy, - I'm waiting.
Yeah, I know, I stopped by Tinsel on my way, to see Jake,
- But I'm your brother. - I'll be there soon,
- Well, how soon? - I said soon, OK?
- Do you know what can happen to me? - Yes,
I know what can happen to a teenager on Hollywood Boulevard,
- Do you? - OK, Quit whining,
- fine. - Yeah, Bye,
(# ''Still Need Your Love'' by Reno)
Perfect,
- Excellent, Excellent! - Cool,
50 grand well-spent,
- OK, Looking good up there now, - You got it,
- Ellie, - Hi,
Hi,
- How's it going? - We're not even close to finished,
I got four days work and the opening's in two, I am drowning in stress,
Kiss me again,
- What are you doing here? - (metal clanking)
- That's good, I told you, That's good, - I haven't seen you in days,
I wanted to make sure you were still alive, What is this?
It's a medieval torture device,
Which could actually be fun later,
Come on, I'll give you the two-second tour,
Spanish lnquisition,
Frankenstein's laboratory,
Dracula’s coffin,
What's that?
Oh, that,
That is a sterling replica to commemorate the 50th anniversary of the Wolf Man.
It was donated by the Chaney estate,
Wow,
Planet Hollywood has nothing on you guys,
Shh, we don't mention them here,
so, I was thinking,
I'll be here for the opening, and you'll be here,
so how about we be here together?
If I was actually going to the opening,
What do you mean# You have to go, It's your big night, You have to show off,
All I wanna do is crawl into bed and disappear for three days,
Well, even better,
I'll crawl in too,
(man) Excuse me, I need a signature on this,
Damn, Can you hold on for one second?
- (man) Right there, - (Jake) Thanks,
Yeah,
Jake?
Is there something wrong?
No, There's nothing wrong, I'm just stressed out with work and this madness,
I just.., I need some time and some space,
OK,
Just call me, when you feel like it, you know# No pressure,
I waited over an hour for you,
I'm sorry, OK?
- Do you want to drop it? - For over an hour, I waited,
Yeah, well, most teenagers have friends who give them a lift home,
- But then I couldn't inconvenience you, - Not tonight, Jimmy, Can we just not fight?
(shouts)
Watch out!
- (Ellie) Are you OK? - Yeah,
Zipper,
It's OK, boy,
someone could be hurt, Find my cellphone, Call for help,
- Hello? - (woman) Oh, God, Help me, Please!
I'm coming,
(woman) Help me, please!
I'm coming, I'm trying to get to you,
- Are you OK? - Please just get me out of here, I'm stuck,
OK, OK,
Oh, God, Help!
- Help me, God, - Can you feel your legs?
- I think so, The dashboard's just caved in, - OK,
- Do you have a jack? - Uh, yeah, Yeah, It's in the trunk,
All right, I'm gonna try to go get it, OK? I'll be right back,
OK, Hurry, please!
(Becky) Oh, God,
- Hello# Hello# No, no, I can't hear you, - (operator breaks up)
- shit, AT&T.., - (car playing loud music)
Hey! Hey, hey, hey, stop! stop!
- Jesus, people, what's wrong with you? - (operator) 911 emergency. hello# hello?
- Hello# Wait, wait, Can you hear me now? - 911 emergency. Yes, I can, sir.
- All right, listen, there's been a wreck, - Where, sir?
I'm on Mulholland Drive, just east of Coldwater,
(leaves rustle)
(animal squeaks)
- Jesus, - Hey, calm down, It's just me,
- I called for help, - Oh, good,
(Becky) What's going on out there?
I couldn't get the trunk open,
but help's on the way, OK? Just hold on a few more minutes,
- Do you hear that? - What?
I hear dripping, like leaking,
Do you smell gas# I smell gas, Oh, God, The car's gonna blow up,
- No, no, no, The car is not gonna blow up, - Uh, actually it could,
- Jesus Christ, get me the fuck out of here! - OK, all right, all right,
Let me try,
Uh, hi,
- If I could get up, underneath.., - Just do it!
OK, OK, All right,
- Wait, All right, I think I'm getting it, - Oh, God, Please, please,
(Jimmy) Wait, can you be still for a second?
You try flipping your car down a mountain and then being fucking still,
Maybe you guys should hurry up,
- (Jimmy) All right, Calm down, - (Becky) I am calm!
- (Jimmy) I think I'm getting it, - (bird screeches)
All right, OK.
- OK, I got it, - Oh, my God, Thank you,
Oh, help me with the seat belt,
Oh, shit,
Oh, shit, OK,
- OK, OK, - Oh,
- Are you OK? - Yeah,
- My legs.., There's help, They hurt, - (siren)
The police are coming,
Yeah, well, I hope you guys have insurance,
What# No, no, it was an accident, We hit an animal, or it hit us, I'm not even sure,
- It wasn't a dog, was it? - Actually, it was..,
(Becky screams)
Ellie!, Hold on to me,
(Ellie) Jimmy!
No!,
(Ellie) Jimmy!
(Jimmy) Ellie,
Go! Go!
- Do you think she..,? - No, No, go, Go, go, go,
Oh, Jimmy,
shit, look at your arm,
The police,
(struggles to breathe)
No!,
- (man #1) They're ready for us now, - (man #2) They said it was pretty nasty,
Let me get this straight, It took a bite out of your arm, but you didn't see it at all?
Well, it all happened so fast and it was dark,
Well, I saw it, It was a wolf, but bigger, It was like a monster wolf,
Yeah, Jimmy, I have your statement already,
Fine, don't believe me, I know what I saw,
What happened to her..,
what kind of an animal could do that?
A mountain lion, a bear, maybe.
There hasn't been a wolf sighting in southern California in over 70 years,
- Mountain lion, my ass, - Jimmy,
Please,
Why don't you go check on Zipper?
Don't worry, Whatever it was, we'll find it,
Hey, buddy, are you OK?
Zipper?
- What's wrong? - (growls)
Hey, smell, It's just me,
Hey! Hey, look what you did,
That's enough with the biting,
- Thanks, - You're welcome,
- Hey, you guys be safe, - (Jimmy) All right, come on, Let's go,
Hey,
- Hey, Zipper, Come on in, - (whines)
Hey, Zipper, come on in,
Hey, Whoa,
Freak,
- Well, good night, - Hey,
What?
Don't you wanna talk about what happened tonight?
- What's there to talk about? - Jimmy, we were attacked,
We saw a girl get torn apart,
You wanna talk about the bear or the mountain lion?
Look, I know you're mad at me, but I didn't see what you saw,
I'm sorry, but I don't know what else to say,
OK, well, uh, thanks for the talk, Good night,
Oh, come on, Jimmy,
I'm trying here,
(typing)
'Unsolved..,'
OK,
Jesus, '1600 animal attacks..,'
'..,large wolf-like animals,'
Oh, my God,
Jesus,
(typing)
(dog barks)
(clang)
(cuckoos)
(door opens)
(dog barks)
(dog continues to bark)
- Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, - What are you doing here?
I just.., I needed to talk to you,
I found the extra key under the mat, I'm really sorry,
I just, I feel so terrible about how we left things tonight,
- Jake, what's going on? - I'm just scared, Ellie,
I'm scared,
I never expected to meet a woman like you,
Jake, you're the only good thing that's happened in my life in a long time,
I'm scared too,
I'm terrified,
because all the good things keep going away,
I'm not going anywhere,
(screams)
here in Los Angeles, a young woman was attacked and killed
by an unidentified wild animal
when her car ran off the road last night, high in the Hollywood hills.
the victim's name has yet to be released.
It happened on a remote stretch of Mulholland Drive, shortly before midnight.
Animal control officers speculate that it might have been a bear
that wandered into the area in search of water.
It is the first such fatal attack in Los Angeles...
(fly buzzes)
(footsteps coming downstairs)
- Hey, - How are you doing# Did you sleep OK?
I woke up in the bushes,
You woke up where?
Are you feeling OK? I'm calling Dr, Steinberg,
No, no, I'm fine, Really, Actually.., I feel kinda great,
OK,
But I'm gonna make an appointment, They said we should follow up with another shot,
For all we know, that wolf could've had rabies,
Oh, Oh, so now it's a wolf,
Jimmy, I never said it wasn't, I just said I didn't see it,
It was more like a werewolf,
And I found this website last night and according to legend,
a werewolf feeds during the lunar cycle - that's the three nights around the full moon,
Last night was the first moon of the lunar cycle,
Why can't you just download porn like other teenage boys?
Excuse me for trying to make conversation,
OK, so what would a werewolf be doing in LA?
shouldn't it be off in the countryside somewhere, terrorizing helpless maidens?
Maybe it's a hip werewolf, Maidens come here with the perfectly implanted breasts,
- You should get to school, - Hey, I was bitten by a werewolf,
If that's not good enough for a sick day.., I could be cursed,
Everybody's cursed, Jimmy, It's called life,
No, I mean by the mark of the beast,
Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
- Here you go, - Thanks,
- (man) Whoa, Hey, Ellie, - Hey, Kyle,
Hey, '70s retro week is booking up, Do we want Keith Partridge or Marcia Brady?
- Only one slot left, - Marcia, Marcia, Marcia,
You look different today, saucy, I like it,
- Yeah, it's new, Gauze look, - Nice, What happened?
- Oh, you don't wanna know, - Hey, are you OK?
Yeah, Actually, I'm fine,
Incoming psycho publicist, one o'clock,
..,no trades, Oh, I have to go, Yeah, OK, Goodbye,
Ellie# Hi,
I didn't recognize you with your hair down,
I just wanted to drop by to make sure we were set for Scott’s pre-interview tonight,
- Absolutely, Nine o'clock, - Great, Is that what you're gonna wear?
Hey, I heard that you're dating Jake Taylor, Is that true?
- I hope it's nothing serious, - Why not?
I guess it was only a matter of time before he got to you,
- He always did prefer the vulnerable ones, - OK, well, I'll see you tonight, Joannie,
I'm only saying this because I care,
Is there anything else, Joannie?
No, Tonight, Don't be late,
- OK, Thank you, - OK,
Putting on weight, Kyle?
- What a piece of work, - I do not like that woman,
- No, Apparently Jake didn't either, - I didn't even know that she knew him,
- Do you think she's right about him? - No, The woman's cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs,
But I'm not the one dating him, I just know he's not the only guy in town,
What smells so good?
I.., I don't smell anything,
(sniffs)
I get these,
It's nothing, I'll live,
The blood freaking you out?
(bell rings)
- Hey, Brooke, you need some change? - Hey, Jimmy,
That'd be great, stupid thing won't take my dollar,
Oh, yeah, OK, Actually..,
- I'll hold those, - Thanks,
Werewolves, huh?
Oh, it's just a stupid report I'm doing,
- Here you go, - Thanks,
No, keep your money, It's on me, Thanks,
- Geek juice, - (all laugh)
- Trying out for the wrestling team, Jimmy? - Oh, no, I don't wrestle,
Oh, I'd think all that male-to-male contact would be right up your alley,
Is, uh.., Is that the appeal for you?
Oh, Back talk,
Haven't you been team captain for, like, two years now?
Nicely done, Jimmy,
Did you just attempt a confrontation?
- Yeah, maybe, - Let me know when you're sure,
Just ignore him, Jimmy,
Let's get out of here before we get homo-stained,
Hey, Hey,
(# ''freaks come Out At Night'' by Whodini)
# Now the party's jumping, the place is packed
# But when the crowd's like this I'm ready to rap
# But before I could bust a thyme on the mic
# freaks are all over me like white on rice
# freaks come in all shapes and sizes and colors
# But what I like about them most is that they're real good lovers
# they do it in the park, they do it in the dark
# But most freaks are known for breaking hearts
Joannie,
- Joannie, - There you are,
What is this# Come as your favorite endangered species?
Obnoxious, isn't it?
I just feel a little underdressed without a tail,
Well, that's part of your charm, Take this, I will tell Scott that you're here,
(Jake) Well, I think you look fantastic,
- What are you doing here? - I needed to see you,
What about the opening? Disappearing for a few days,
(clears throat)
- That didn't go over so well, did it? - You know what# It's fine,
We've only been seeing each other a couple of months, you need your space,
I get it, It's fine,
Please don't do that, Don't try to make everything OK when it's not,
Can I talk to you in private for a second?
Ellie,
that was my MO for a long time, When anything would get too close or too serious,
I would just run away,
For..,
For a variety of reasons that I can't even begin to go into,
I don't want to do that with us, This thing, you and me, this is special, Ellie,
and I just don't want to lose you,
so I was hoping that, maybe,
you could just bear with me for a little while longer,
I guess I'm learning about these things as we go along,
Well, maybe I'll finish up here and we can go someplace to talk,
OK, Thank you, Ellie,
Well, hi, there, Remember me?
Uh..,
- Jenny Tate, Becky Morton's friend, - Right, Of course, Jenny,
- It's good to see you again, I was actually.., - Jake,
- Hi, - Hi, Long time no see,
sorry to interrupt an awkward moment, but we're ready for you,
I have to go,
- Ellie, - I'm working,
so, Becky cannot stop talking about you,
she's gonna die when she finds out you were here,
Excuse me, I have to go,
I know it was only a couple of dates, but Becky is really bummed you haven't called,
Next time you speak with her, tell her I'm sorry, but I've taken myself off the market,
Now I'm nummed,
Thanks for coming, I appreciate it, see you later,
Scott, this is Ellie Myers from the Craig Kilborn show,
- Oh, hi, How are you? - Hi, It's a pleasure to meet you,
I've been a huge fan of yours ever since happy Days.
Thank you, Listen, I appreciate you meeting me here, I couldn't bail on tonight,
It's fine,
You guys have a nice chat, I'll be over here if you need me,
OK,
- Have a seat, - Thank you,
Craig is so excited to have you on his show,
I think it's gonna be just a fabulous line-up,
You'll be going on third, after Ashton Kutcher and Carrot Top,
- Third? - Uh..,
I thought that we would start with a Chachi clip,
and then move on to something from Charles in charge.
- Original, - And, uh..,
and then we could..,
segue into what you're doing now,
What are you doing now?
You know, you're a beautiful girl,
I mean, you've got this aura thing happening, l..,
I just can't quite put my finger on it,
Not when you can use your whole hand,
Thank you, I think that's really all we needed to discuss
and I'll see you in the studio,
- OK, You got it, - OK,
Wanna finish your drink?
No, Bye,
Okey-doke,
Excuse me,
- (girl #1) Hey, where are you going? - (girl #2) Call us!
Ellie,
Ellie, wait up,
Jake, I really don't feel well tonight, I just wanna get home,
Be careful with this one, He's trouble,
- Who's the leopard? - someone I met before I met you,
- They keep popping up, don't they? - Ellie, that was a previous life,
Please, you gotta trust me on this,
You know what? I think it's my turn to be weird,
I'm gonna take a cue from you and disappear for a few days,
Ellie, people can change,
I really don't wanna get into it right now,
(panting)
(elevator bell)
(growling)
(echoing rattle)
(dragging sound)
(bang)
(growls)
(car alarm)
(car alarms)
Close, close, close, close!
(elevator bell)
(screams)
Oh, my God,
Hello# Hello# Anybody there? Hello# Hello?
Get me the fuck out of here! Open up!
(car door shuts and keys jangle)
- Hey, - Hi,
Are you doing homework?
I'm just reading up on how you kill a werewolf,
silver, right?
No, you actually have to separate the head from the heart, silver just hurts a lot,
It might not be such a bad deal, Think about it,
increased strength, heightened senses, an unnatural sexual allure,
When do we sprout hair and pointy ears?
It's all a little sketchy, but maybe never, maybe tomorrow,
The experts can't really agree on that one,
You're starting to freak me out, Jimmy, This is fiction, Myth,
We live in reality, Come back to the other side,
I know, I know, but the line between fiction and fact has always been a thin one,
Don't we have enough problems# Do you really wanna add this one to the list?
OK, here, Check this out, Here,
It's a five-pointed star, It's a pentagram,
It's the mark of the beast,
Jimmy, this is ridiculous, You need..,
Whoa, Jesus,
Wait, is this for real?
Last night was difficult, OK?
The wreck, the girl dying, it brought up a lot of stuff,
- No, no, no, Ellie, don't start with that, - I know we don't talk about it enough,
- It has nothing to do with Mom and Dad, - I miss them too,
Your hand, It's a creepy coincidence,
This is some pretty freaky shit, Admit it,
OK, OK,
Let's put it to the test,
I bought this frame myself, three years ago,
It's from Tiffany's, It's sterling silver,
Now, if I'm a werewolf, I shouldn't be able to pick it up, right?
- It should hurt me, right? - According to chapter four, yeah,
Go to bed, Jimmy, It's late,
(growls)
(dogs bark)
(dogs get louder)
shut up!
shut up,
(howls)
Don't forget, I'm working the opening of Tinsel tonight,
- I've gotta take Craig down the red carpet, - OK,
Hello?
Hey, Jake's been calling all morning, says he needs to talk,
Well, I don't need to talk to him, What's with the gypsies?
Oh, it's auditions for Craig's séance segment, What is with this new look?
- What are you talking about? - I'm not complaining, I think you look hot,
- You're in danger, - Excuse me?
It will come for you,
Don't let this getup fool you, I'm not a joke, I've got the gift, I blame my mother,
Why are you talking to me?
You bear the markings of the beast,
Look, I'm not trying to freak you out, but you've been infected, You're cursed,
You've got to sever the line of the beast, It's the only way to break the curse,
OK, all psychics back in their seats, please,
The beast is human too, Don't forget that,
- And it's closer to you than you think, - If you could just follow me,
shouldn't you psychically know when you're annoying someone?
Thank you,
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Excuse me, Miss, Get up and get out,
Look at him,
Yeah!
Oh, Brooke, hey,
- Are you stalking me? - Maybe,
What's going on, Brooke? You going fruit fly on me?
Actually, we were just talking, but, if you don't mind.., shoo,
Oh, you are asking for it, Abercrombie,
Come on, Bo, You're really becoming transparent,
How about a little identity intervention, OK?
'Cause all this internalized homophobia's giving you away,
- You better watch your ass, - What's going on?
I'm just giving Jimmy some pointers,
- He's here to try out for the team, - Really# You?
Are you sure you want to do that, Jimmy?
Oh, sure he does, coach,
I'll tell you what, I'll wrestle him,